I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
