he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
