About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
