Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Holy shit dude........stairs
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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