Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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