Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
