i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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