So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My vagina just recognized that song.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
