don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
