Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
