So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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