your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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