I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
