My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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