i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The uberlube is also flammable
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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