Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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