found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
