I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
