I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
