How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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