The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
