Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
