I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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