Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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