OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
