remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
