yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
