It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
