He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
