i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
