Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
