I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
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