do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
is wine microwaveable?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
