while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize