so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
