my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
