My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize