I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
