We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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