That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize