I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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