I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
