Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
