When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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