Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
