bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
