i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize