who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
