His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize