Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
