I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
