He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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