Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
