The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
