One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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