btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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