I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
