I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize