Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
