Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
being pregnant is like rehab
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
