he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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