You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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