So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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