I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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