You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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