wat bout pragnant strippers??
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Someone stole a lamp last night.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
