considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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