I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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