my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
