i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize