There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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