He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
