toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
