Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
