Cold hands, warm shart.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
