whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
