Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
