drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
