I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
