I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
