Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
