I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
