found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
