Cold hands, warm shart.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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