6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize