we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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