Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize